Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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