there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
this hospital has no fireball
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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