I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
