every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
