I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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