I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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