I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
