Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
