She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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