So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
