I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize