your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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