The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
