What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i've created a new STD.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
