that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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