carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
