He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My feet surprised me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
