i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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