So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
