it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
