So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
