im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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