69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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