i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
