I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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