I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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