$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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