wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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