I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
