she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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