The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
