is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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