I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
