At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
