she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
