she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
