It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
