He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
