This is not my ceiling
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
