From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
