just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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