How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
