I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my shit smells like andre
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
