I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
