If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
