My friends, they love my intelligence
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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