theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
