Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize