i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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