all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
