Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
