she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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