dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
