im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
