When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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