he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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