i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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