Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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