I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
