Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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