i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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