Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
