It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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