It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
