i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
