Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think my mom watched the whole time
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
