True but thats because hes a fetus.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
