why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
