i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
