did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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