i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize