Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
