I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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