My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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